Sometimes it feels like the stars have to align for a relationship to work. Is humor the secret to a successful marriage? Your mom’s dating habits? Date nights out in the city? While all these topics have been covered and have unveiled the nuances of love, there’s one thing these studies didn’t look at: your genes.
Joan Monin, from Yale University, found that the genetic makeup of each partner may contribute to why and how a marriage lasts.
Joan and her team took surveys from 178 married couples ranging in ages 37 to 90 years old. Each couple was asked about their married life and provided a saliva sample in order to find the link between genes and love.
Love is in your genes
According to Michael Greenwood from Yale News, “When at least one person within the couple had a genetic variation, called the GG genotype in their oxytocin gene receptor, the couple reported greater marital satisfaction and feelings of security within their marriage.”
Remember what we know about oxytocin? It’s a neurotransmitter that helps us form attachments and bond with others. It even helps us give birth and bond with our children.
This genetic variation has been previously linked to feelings of empathy and emotional stability but this is the first study to show its impact on marriage.
Not only is this genetic mutation associated with emotional stability, but Monin and her team found that individuals with this GG genotype displayed less anxious attachment styles in the relationship, which in this study, resulted in a happier long term marriage.
There are four different attachment styles that we develop in our infancy. The attachment style we form with our caregiver is basically how we form attachments with everyone, even as adults. These attachment styles are basically how we feel and act in relationships. Here’s what the four attachment styles look like.
Secure attachment
Feels secure being alone and with someone
Emotionally intelligent
Capable of learning from mistakes and moving on
Can send and receive healthy expressions of intimacy.
Anxious- Preoccupied attachment
Feels more insecure and nervous about relationships in general
Thinks negatively of others’ actions and intentions, even when nothing negative is present
Struggles to be alone
Dismissive Avoidant Attachment
Very independent
Work, social life, traveling or passion projects may take priority over relationship
May prefer to be single than to be tied down
Fearful Avoidant Attachment
Simultaneously desire and resist intimacy
Suspicious of others’ words, intentions, actions
Fear of abandonment
While these are some examples of behaviors of each attachment style, most people have varying degrees of these styles, which may change over time. For example, one person could have a combination of varying degrees of dismissive avoidant and anxious- preoccupied attachment styles, meaning they are very adventurous and independent but may also feel nervous about relationships in general.
What does this mean for love?
Overall, this research isn’t definitive and doesn’t mean that genes are the key indicator of a happy marriage. The interesting part is that it does imply that oxytocin may influence our attachment styles at a young age which can then influence how we view and feel about marriage or even relationships in general.
Everyone is worthy of a happy and healthy love life, regardless of X-Men level, genetic-love mutations. Don’t let your genes keep you from thinking you’re marriage material!